Naya's story - verbatim

One day Radha and Krishna went to the park. They went on a slide. Then they climbed up the mandir and went to see a movie--with earphones. They went to see Ratatouille. Then they came down a bridge and took off their earphones. There was a big big big party. Everyone was dancing. Even the trees were dancing. It was beautiful.

Naya-isms all in one

Many funny things going on:

Yesterday, my friend Michael and his son were visiting Delhi and when we got back into the house, Naya and Ayaan greeted us.

Michael: Oh, wow, Naya, is this your friend?
Naya: No, he's my boyfriend.

Naya is surely, but very slowly, learning how to read. So she has a book of words and today she spells out: "S-O-C-K-S"
Mommy: Very good!
Naya: S-O-C-K-S spells muja!!
(Muja is the Assamese and Hindi word for socks. So if she never learns to read, at least she can serve as a translator...)

Then she saw the words C-U-P and said, "That spells cup."
Mommy: Very good.
Naya: Oh Mommy, I am so proud of you. (big hugs followed and I think she was hinting that I should have said it to her)
Mommy: Thank you.
Naya: Mommy, what does 'proud of you' mean?

Updates

Everyone wants to know what's happening -- this is rushed since we are late for a wedding BUT...

The maid is now under virtual house arrest until we figure something out. Her aunt doesn't want to take responsibility for her and I won't toss her out on the street (and I also don't have anyone until April 1) so she now sleeps in Naya's room at night. Of course, Naya is still with us...

AND in better news... Naya got into Sardar Patel! We applied to five, she had been rejected from four so this was the last... We are happy and somewhat redeemed but are worried about a few things. It is Hindi medium (although they dont read and write next year anyway so maybe that's okay) and the hours are long (8 am-2 pm, I HATE the mornings with a kid)... But I think compared to the American School, it is a better option? I just worry about her going to school in a place that looks more Dubuque than Delhi. But maybe I am misguided. We are going to check them out this week. I find it so strange that the shortage of schools here forces parents to select a place sight unseen.

Love?

Every time I write about servant woes, I know I lose at least one reader - my friend Manish. But since his blog has about a million times the hits of this humble project, I will plod on...
We think our temporary maid is having an affair with the servant downstairs. A week ago, when I was in Mumbai, the maid from the ground floor (yes, the whole building is involved) rang the doorbell and told Nitin to follow her. She led Nitin to the door of the boy -- closed. Nitin knocked and our maid answered, while the boy was covered up with a sheet. Nitin said, "Is there a problem?"
She said no. Nitin came back downstairs.
AND DID NOT TELL ME TILL A WEEK LATER. And he happened to tell me on the day that she didn't report for duty until a few hours later. Before calling her aunt (who works for a friend of mine) to check on her whereabouts, I told Nitin to go check upstairs. He found her in the guy's room again. But to be fair, he said the door was open and she was just standing there...
When she came down, she seemed breathless and she had lipstick on. Again to be fair, I often look the same way (but she is half my age and much more svelte...)
I was torn between telling on her and taking her aside and saying 18-year-olds will be 18-year-olds but don't do anything stupid. I did look at her and say "If you ever let anyone in here like that guy, you are in big trouble. I will kill you if anything happens to Naya."
OK, so maybe not the most mature thing to say but I got worried... And I needed her to know that I knew but I didn't want her to run away.
She didn't respond.
A petty aside -- I have been noticing that when we make a meat dish like keema or mutton curry, it seems to go really quick... Is it just a coincidence that this male servant works for a strictly vegetarian family? (Remember I once commited the grave sin of asking the neighbours for an egg when we were baking.)
Anyway, the friend we got the maid from was very helpful. I explained that Felicia will be back in April and that the care Naya has gotten has been good and that I didnt know if I should care what the maid does in her love life -- but she is 18 and in my care so... The friend gave me good advice, saying we need to be responsible and she'd talk to the aunt... And so the aunt is supposed to come by tomorrow to give the maid a talking to. I wonder if she will take her back and if she will resent that I snitched her out...

Moving to India?

Friend of ours are considering moving to India and I just sent the couple the following tips/answers to some of their questions and thought it might help someone else out there...

1) Bring a lot of cash. It is more expensive than you think. I'd say savings of $25,000 should help take care of a car, the down payment for rent (Mumbai is a whole lot more), new furniture...

2) Secure school admissions for your child. Have your company negotiate this as they are much better at it than you ever will be.

3) Get a sense of fair-market rents and rates from over there. Sked time with a broker and hit the ground running as soon as you arrive. Ask neighbours about water and electricity outages.

4) Book a guest house. Your employer might put you up in a fancy five-star. If you have a family, skip it as guest houses will be more comfortable and you are less likely to get sick and you will have more space.

5) Find other returnee families. They are a great source of information. They also will help you find your staff from maid to driver.

6) Get on a list of expats, in Delhi, that's yuni-net or Delhinet but each of the Indian cities has one. Also try Craig's List for deals on flats and used furniture.

7) Make a trip to Costco or Sam's Club, even though I make fun of it... A lot of that packaged stuff and sauces are very expensive here. No shame in Pantene, Aunt Jemima, Annie's mac and cheese.

8) If you are being relocated, add about a month to 6 weeks to whatever they say the eta is for your goods. I have yet to meet anyone who has gotten their stuff on time. Ensure your employer does the negotiation for the release of goods and paying any related bribes etc.

9) Assess your electrical needs - laptops, toasters, video projectors, stereo systems. We came with two large converters (if you need the exact conversions, Nitty can tell you) and they were more than adequate. Buy a bunch of the 220- to 110 converters for a dollar each and sprinkle them around the house.

10) The most important thing you can bring is an open mind and a lot of patience. Nuff said.

City of Gins -- and hot dogs

We had hot dogs for dinner tonight so finally the vats of BBQ sauce from Costco came in handy. This meal was thanks to Naya's demand that she wanted "hot dogs and ice cream." So we had the franks, rajma-chavel -- and apples for dessert. All Indian-American, I think...

Also last night we saw an outdoor, experiential, environmental play based on Dalrymple's book "City of Djinns." I generally liked it but was impacted both as a fireng and an Indian, and understanding of what both sides were getting it. Tom ALter, who always plays the British villain in Bollywood, was very good and the band, perched atop the dome of the mahal, was really transcending, in terms of time and place and mood... This is a different Delhi that Dalrymple's circa 1989 but a lot of his displacement and change and hang-ups of the city are the same. Although I jokingly said to Nitin that modern Delhi, circa post-liberalization 2007 in the cliched New India, was more like a City of Gin...















A Sufi mystic from City of Djinns















Tom Alter and Zohra Segal in City of Djinns

Me and Mamu

Here we are...

We're back...

So we launched and that's the only way I can explain our lapse in blogging... Pics to come, Nit promises...

So how odd is it to say I'm lonely in a country of 1 billion? But it's true. Life here seems defined by work and family -- and while I've always valued both, a whole lot more has always kept me busy. Lately on the nights Nitty is out deejaying or drumming or art-show hopping, I find myself home around 9 pm and wondering if I should call someone. But who? New Delhi probably has hundreds of women named Sumathi Reddy but I haven't found my own personal version yet... I think we're definitely still trying to find our groove on that front...

Also Naya has grown into a funny thing and true to her Chinese zodiac of a monkey. She knows the whole alphabet and her numbers (although every now and then she sees 8 and yells out "B!!") and dances and sings and is adept at Hindi and a concoction of English, Assamese and Hindi. Example: Mujhe alopmaan pani chahi ye please. When you ask her who her best friends are, she says very dutifully -- Mitra-Mommy, Nitin-Papa and Felicia. We think she is pure genius and funnier than Jerry Seinfeld and Russell Peters combined.

In addition to asking us to read a whole pile of books -- all the time -- she also has gotten into made-up stories. Tonight she asked for one about "Ata Toko." I felt bad because I think her memory of them -- her maternal grandparents -- is definitely fading; she looks through her newborn album and sees them and also remembers certain gifts they gave but her connections seem more material and rooted in photos than I intended. Through migration, I've inflicted the same pain of separation on her that Nitin and I went through. Inheritance of loss, indeed.

Sadhu Santa

Moving to India was worth it just to give Naya a picture with an Indian Santa today... As I dropped her off at school, he was just applying a white beard over his brown face. Don't worry -- you can still tell he's Indian.

Domestic tranquility

This morning, Nitin asked Felicia to iron some of his shirts. She refused, saying we hadn’t told her that was a part of her responsibilities when we hired her.
Nitin told her to at least find somewhere to get it done. When he told me the story, I got a little peeved – at both of them, to be quite honest. On the one hand, it might be worth keeping Felicia happy since we have quite liked Felicia, her cooking and her general demeanor. On the other, Nitin's request didn't seem terribly unreasonable and we had often asked the same of our nanny in the States.
So when I got home from work and Christmas shopping, I asked Felicia what had happened. She said she feels like she doesn’t have time for such things and that ironing men’s shirts could take up most of her day. “Besides, the dry cleaners does it much better,” she said.
“That’s not the point,” I said in the mixture of Assamese, Hindi and Bengali that has become the secret language Felicia and I share. “You have more than four hours a day when Naya is at school and there are no chores. We have someone else do the floors. And yet another person cleans the toilets. Sometimes, not always, we might need you to iron.”
She looked visibly upset and I felt bad. Way before we landed in India, I had resolved not to bark at the maid, to respect the woman who would perform the household tasks I would not.
“Anyway, how much will they charge the place you found?”
“Two rupees for jeans, 1.5 for shirts, 5 for a sari,” she said. “It’s just down the road. And if I drop it off in the morning, they will deliver it back by afternoon.”
I felt terrible. On an average day, it would be less than a quarter to get our things ironed. And it would make this woman a lot happier. And my husband. And me. Home peace home.
“That’s fine,” I said. “Just make sure you drop it off when Nitin says so.”